Do reinforcement, praise and validation differ?

We have noticed working with families there may be some confusion between the concepts of reinforcement, praise and validation.  We can define them on a continuum between acceptance and change.

Reinforcement is a behavioral strategy where you react to a behavior in such a way as to increase or decrease a behavior.  Positive reinforcement is adding something to make sure a behavior happens again, e.g. a reward for effort is a simple example. Negative reinforcement is removing something negative to change a behavior, e.g. beeping in the car until you click the seat belt. Reinforcement can be used outside of awareness so it can be particularly effective or insidious if we are not paying attention to unintended consequences. When enforcing contingencies, we can become a negative stimulus that others avoid. This leads to a preference for reinforcers that happen as a natural consequence for behaviors.

Praise is a change strategy that poses as something more neutral than it is. Praise cannot work as validation, since it is not seeking to understand or accept a perspective. Praise is often given after or during attempts to change. Praise often comes from the perspective of the person given praise. It tends to show what the praising person values, and not necessarily what the other values. For instance, some parents may praise a teen’s appearance, which may cause a teen to feel self-conscious.  Individuals that experience intense shame take a while to adjust to believing or even accepting praise. It is important that praise happens for progress they make towards their goals and values. This is something that needs to be effectively modeled so they can learn to take more pride in their experience.  One way that praise feels different from validation is that praise often comes with unspoken expectations and therefore stress. Praise can be about performance or quality when validation is not.

Validation on the other hand is an acceptance strategy. It often will fail if it is used to move to change too early.  Validation has nowhere to go, other than to close the distance in the relationship to be next to someone and share in their experience. Praise and reinforcement are not necessarily about connection where as well-placed validation will lead to connection. Validation is important for connection, while also being the conduit for eventually accessing change strategies.

Much like commitment strategies, reinforcers, praise and validation can be used at the same time or in rapid succession. None of them are mutually exclusive to each other and it is worth knowing in the moment what is likely to work.  Reinforces can be used often since they can be done covertly and do not have to be obvious. Make sure praise is in line with the goals of the person you are praising, focusing on effort rather than outcome. Remind them that moving into alignment with their goals successfully feels good naturally.  Use validation to stay connected in the moment and to communicate you are with them and they are accepted as they are. These three can be actions towards the assumptions that everyone is doing the best they can and they can do better.    

All Therapists are Jerks, and . . .: Ep 21. Behaviorism (libsyn.com)

All Therapists are Jerks, and . . .: Ep 13. Validation (libsyn.com)

All Therapists are Jerks, and . . .: Ep 26. Parenting with DBT (libsyn.com)